BORN INTO SIN
Behold, I was formed in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. (Psalm 51: 5)
Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned (Romans 5:12)
I was born at John Hopkins medical center in Baltimore Maryland on June 25th, 1958. My father was a corporate lawyer and my mother was a court stenographer. They got married six months before I was born, which means they probably got married because of me. Back then that was the right thing to do, plus abortions were still illegal then. The same year I was born my father had a heart attack and a stroke that left him paralyzed on the left side of his body for the rest of his life. By the time I was three we were living in Miami, Florida. I remember one day I kept throwing my toy metal airplane into the deep end of the pool and asking my older half-brother (10 years older) to go get it. He finally got fed up with me and threw me in the deep end of the pool. What did I do? I swam to the bottom and got my plane. As far as I can remember that was the first time I went swimming.
When I was five we lived in Phoenix, Arizona and I remember getting my tonsils taken out. I didn’t mind being in the hospital since I was only allowed to eat ice cream and 7up. In first grade I was left behind because I went to five different schools in five states and the last school couldn't get enough records on me to give me a passing grade.
Around age six was the first time I was sexually molested, by a man who was supposed to be a close friend of the family. He told me that he was sleeping with my mother because my father was a cripple, and that he wanted to help me to be ready when I would be old enough to have sex with women. I remember feeling ashamed and afraid. This went on for about a month or two and then somehow the police found out and he was arrested. The police asked me a lot of questions and I felt really embarrassed. Thank God I didn't have to testify in court. I never heard about him again.
Shortly afterwards my parents sent me to California to stay with friends and I remember getting the German measles there. My father’s friend was black and a lawyer like my dad was and his wife was white. One day we were driving through this man’s old neighborhood and people he knew started taunting him because we were in the car with him. I watched him get beaten to a bloody mess by his own people because we were in the car with him. For many years I didn’t understand why he stopped. Also I wondered why they did not bother us. Recently I realized that he may not have had a choice about stopping. The Lord told me that they didn’t bother us because he fought for us.
When I was seven I lived with my father in New York City. I remember stealing a tool kit from a motorcycle and bringing it home. The police came to our door and started questioning my father about where I had been and he chased them away. He didn't like police and to this day I don't really know why.
Somewhere between seven and eight I was at someone's house, I'm not sure where or who, but I remember being in the bedroom in a big bed, hiding under the covers. There was a Doberman growling and snarling at me like he wanted to tear me to pieces. To this day I don't think I've ever been so afraid. I don't remember how it ended (I think I fell asleep), but I survived.
When I was eight I was with my parents in New York City and the building we lived in had a circular staircase. One day one of the neighbors thought that I killed his cat or knew who did, and he kept trying to get me to confess. In his rage he hung me out of a twelve-story window by my feet. I don't think he really intended to drop me, I think he was just trying to scare me. Anyway I’m still here. I think it was after that that I went to stay with my brother in Brooklyn. My brother had two dogs, a German shepherd and a Doberman. Both dogs were very friendly and had been very good with children as far as I can remember. One night it was real late, I think it was about midnight, and I was sitting in a chair petting the Doberman. While doing this, my finger inadvertently went into a fresh cut he had gotten that day and he jumped on me and started attacking me. I remember when the police came they had to stop my brother from killing the dog. I was half-asleep through all this so it wasn't until later that I fully realized what had happened. I remember sitting in the ambulance and waiting for it to go (it had stalled) and I asked my brother what was going on, and he told me! What a shock! Fortunately all the dog had done was scratch my head up some. All these things that happened to me remind me of a message that Pastor David Wilkerson Preached called "The Hunter from Hell" about how the devil tries to “ hunt the precious life" right from the time we are born. It amazes me to look back and see how God preserved my life even when I didn’t know Him. I also realize that I didn't deserve it, but God is truly a God of the fatherless. Even though my father was still alive, he wasn't able to really take care of me physically or spiritually.
By William A. Cotton